"Floating Away from the Fear"

By: Darlina Marie Magallanes

To love freely is to love blindly
To love blindly is to be fearless
To be fearless is to be admired
To love without fear means to have mastered the ability to heal.
Because we all know how to have sex but most don’t know how to feel.
We’re all programmed to say whatever it takes to fake the gestures of the procreate race
And in turn we never know what is real.
We’re all made to lust at but not worth the read.
It’s so fun to cut but we never acknowledge the bleed.
All built to fuck but too cold to breed.
The only love child I’ll ever conceive
Will be between myself and what I believe.
When love hits us its impact is that of a ton of bricks.
And the damage that is left takes years to fix.
How baffling it is that love would be the factor that makes us hard.
That love is what causes us to build up walls and put up guards.
I breathe in deep rhythms just to stay sane
It seems like the more pain I feel the more knowledge I gain.
I endlessly search for a means to an end.
But I can’t break past the fear without stressing a pen.
I can’t glaze over my wounds without doubting men.
I’m trying to just love him.
I try to forget that I am a woman and he is a man.
I struggle to make sense of our choices and justify and understand.
Why do we hurt each other while holding hands?
I think of all this as I rub on his back to remind him that I care.
A gesture I do to show him that I’m not going anywhere.
But it’s overwhelming…the fear.
But I pray and I hope that love does exist and that it is there.
I can’t keep up with my thoughts even though I type fast.
If hope really does float then I’ve built a life raft.